The Lovely adventure of a Banana: Part 1-2

"Once upon a time there was a yellow banana, that's me. I walked out of his brick house on my 13th birthday. I was looking around, commenting on the lovely day. A speeding bus then hit me. The yellow content of the banana spatted everywhere. I then regenerated and decided to eat my own head. He then spawned a new head and said, "I am a Banana". I walked back inside his house, and then it collapsed on me. I then regenerated and walked away. I decided to go into town. So i went down to the Train Station. I fell on to the train tracks and got pulverised by the speeding train. I then regenerated again and got on the train. Whilst on the train a retarded guy came up to me and ripped of my arm. He then slowly explained in gibberish his name was Mr Craven (it look him 1 1/2 hours). After he told me his name he started foaming from the mouth. He collapsed in a puddle of white foam. WASTED!!!!!!!

I got off the train and set it alight. I was laughing so hard I fell over and started moving in a circle formation, my leg then fell off, I grew a new leg and walked away. I met a guy named Kevin. Kevin and I went for a walk. He explained how he has a crippling depression. I decided to cheer him up but when I turned around I realised Kevin had committed suicide. WASTED!!!!!

I kicked him a couple of times. I dragged him back up the 55 story building and threw him off for the hell of it. It look like fun so i jumped to. I landed on a person called David Ledger. WASTED!!!

I then looked in the sky and a massive piano fell and crushed me. I crawled away and found a stray dog and healed it back to life. It then randomly changed into a prince with a giant spoon. He said "unreal banana peal", and walked outside and hit his head with the spoon and died. I cried myself to sleep. When I awoke Kevin was standing next to me. He then said, "I eat Golf Balls". He got out a golf ball and ate it. He choked on it. I hit him over the head with a chair. He died. WASTED!!!

I went out side, I looked up in the sky a person was caught in the jet stream. He was ripped apart. "My life is going crazy" I said. I decided to go on a holiday. So I left for the airport. I saw Kevin at the airport he was running to me. A plane drove over him and he was sucked into the turbine. I got on a plane and went on Holiday.

The End....or is it?"

INTERMISSION........................

PART 2 MOTHERFUCKERS!

"As we took off the ground and loud noise sounded from the left turbine. I looked and saw a round shaped object in the turbine. It was Kevin's head. We were slowly falling to the ground. There were only two people on the plane. It was Mr Craven and I. So we pulled our parachutes on and where ready to jump. We opened the plane door and we where sucked out. When Mr Craven pulled him parachute cord his parachute exploded, and he fell to his painful and horrible death. I realised that Mr Craven had picked up the Napalm starter kit, (for children learning to use napalm). I pulled my parachute cord and slowly drifted down to earth.

As I landed I realised I had fallen into a lions den. I looked around there were no lions, except for a giant fuzzy cat with sharp claws and massive teeth. That then led me to think that I was going to die. I tried to carm the lion down. As I went to pat it, it tackled me and destroyed me completely. WASTED!!!!!!!!!

I then regenerated and escaped from the lions's den. I saw a strange looking thing running at me. It was Kevin again. He stoped about 5 meters away from me. His eyes started twitching and his ear fell off. He then exploded. I was driven back by the force of the explosion and I hit a tree. I then stood up and the tree fell on me. I was therefore crushed. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I regenerated I found Kevin's head and started playing soccer. I heard noises coming from the bush. I looked and it was a strange looking person. The funny looking person siad her name was Natalie. I then asked if she wanted to play soccer. She replied, "you suck". I then replied "your going to have to die now". Natalie then ran around in circles. I wasn't sure what she was doing, so I hit her over the head with a crowbar. She fell to the ground and started twitching. I laughed and walked away. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started walking through a thick jungle. I walked out of the jungle and saw a town. I walked into the town and looked for some food. There was a small stall selling strange food. I asked for their nicest food. They gave me a sandwich with beetles and cockroaches in it. I then asked "what the hell is this", they then replied "Kaklasice". I looked at them and then the owner of the shop pulled a gun on me and said eat it. So i ate it. When i fished eating it my stomach exploded. Banana pieces went everywhere. The shop owner then started laughing, and then he fell to the ground and died. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I respawned and walked away. A bunch of bricks fell from the sky and crushed the person next to me.

WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Well there's part too for you. Did you see it coming? You can discuss it in the forums!..."did I say forums? I meant Farms!". (C) Tom Allard Co

Everything in the story above was written in year 7 when i attended Penno High with my mate Harry Brown when we were in English, (we told our fat-fuck of a teacher that we were writing a narrative together...this lie got us out of doing so much work in-class). All the gramma and spelling is the same to the original, (I havn't changed one bit). Kevin was some Asian kid with an umbrella that me and Harry didn't like, (he's a bit like "Jasuuuuunnnnnnn" from Carroll). Mr Craven was a giant faggot and I hope someone rapes his face. David Ledger was a nice enough guy, but I just didn't like the fuck one bit. Oh and I can not remember for the life of me who the "Natalie" chick was; probably just pissed me off one day.

I don't know what went wrong in my early years, but it explains why I am how I am.......................a mad cunt.

No joke, I was just thinking to myself that it was a really shit ending and there was no way I would end a story like that....but I found YET ANOTHER PAGE behind part 2! It gets really good.....