The Lovely adventure of a Banana: Part 1-2

"Once upon a time there was a yellow banana, that's me. I walked out of his brick house on my 13th birthday. I was looking around, commenting on the lovely day. A speeding bus then hit me. The yellow content of the banana spatted everywhere. I then regenerated and decided to eat my own head. He then spawned a new head and said, "I am a Banana". I walked back inside his house, and then it collapsed on me. I then regenerated and walked away. I decided to go into town. So i went down to the Train Station. I fell on to the train tracks and got pulverised by the speeding train. I then regenerated again and got on the train. Whilst on the train a retarded guy came up to me and ripped of my arm. He then slowly explained in gibberish his name was Mr Craven (it look him 1 1/2 hours). After he told me his name he started foaming from the mouth. He collapsed in a puddle of white foam. WASTED!!!!!!!

I got off the train and set it alight. I was laughing so hard I fell over and started moving in a circle formation, my leg then fell off, I grew a new leg and walked away. I met a guy named Kevin. Kevin and I went for a walk. He explained how he has a crippling depression. I decided to cheer him up but when I turned around I realised Kevin had committed suicide. WASTED!!!!!

I kicked him a couple of times. I dragged him back up the 55 story building and threw him off for the hell of it. It look like fun so i jumped to. I landed on a person called David Ledger. WASTED!!!

I then looked in the sky and a massive piano fell and crushed me. I crawled away and found a stray dog and healed it back to life. It then randomly changed into a prince with a giant spoon. He said "unreal banana peal", and walked outside and hit his head with the spoon and died. I cried myself to sleep. When I awoke Kevin was standing next to me. He then said, "I eat Golf Balls". He got out a golf ball and ate it. He choked on it. I hit him over the head with a chair. He died. WASTED!!!

I went out side, I looked up in the sky a person was caught in the jet stream. He was ripped apart. "My life is going crazy" I said. I decided to go on a holiday. So I left for the airport. I saw Kevin at the airport he was running to me. A plane drove over him and he was sucked into the turbine. I got on a plane and went on Holiday.

The End....or is it?"

INTERMISSION........................

PART 2 MOTHERFUCKERS!

"As we took off the ground and loud noise sounded from the left turbine. I looked and saw a round shaped object in the turbine. It was Kevin's head. We were slowly falling to the ground. There were only two people on the plane. It was Mr Craven and I. So we pulled our parachutes on and where ready to jump. We opened the plane door and we where sucked out. When Mr Craven pulled him parachute cord his parachute exploded, and he fell to his painful and horrible death. I realised that Mr Craven had picked up the Napalm starter kit, (for children learning to use napalm). I pulled my parachute cord and slowly drifted down to earth.

As I landed I realised I had fallen into a lions den. I looked around there were no lions, except for a giant fuzzy cat with sharp claws and massive teeth. That then led me to think that I was going to die. I tried to carm the lion down. As I went to pat it, it tackled me and destroyed me completely. WASTED!!!!!!!!!

I then regenerated and escaped from the lions's den. I saw a strange looking thing running at me. It was Kevin again. He stoped about 5 meters away from me. His eyes started twitching and his ear fell off. He then exploded. I was driven back by the force of the explosion and I hit a tree. I then stood up and the tree fell on me. I was therefore crushed. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I regenerated I found Kevin's head and started playing soccer. I heard noises coming from the bush. I looked and it was a strange looking person. The funny looking person siad her name was Natalie. I then asked if she wanted to play soccer. She replied, "you suck". I then replied "your going to have to die now". Natalie then ran around in circles. I wasn't sure what she was doing, so I hit her over the head with a crowbar. She fell to the ground and started twitching. I laughed and walked away. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started walking through a thick jungle. I walked out of the jungle and saw a town. I walked into the town and looked for some food. There was a small stall selling strange food. I asked for their nicest food. They gave me a sandwich with beetles and cockroaches in it. I then asked "what the hell is this", they then replied "Kaklasice". I looked at them and then the owner of the shop pulled a gun on me and said eat it. So i ate it. When i fished eating it my stomach exploded. Banana pieces went everywhere. The shop owner then started laughing, and then he fell to the ground and died. WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I respawned and walked away. A bunch of bricks fell from the sky and crushed the person next to me.

WASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Well there's part too for you. Did you see it coming? You can discuss it in the forums!..."did I say forums? I meant Farms!". (C) Tom Allard Co

Everything in the story above was written in year 7 when i attended Penno High with my mate Harry Brown when we were in English, (we told our fat-fuck of a teacher that we were writing a narrative together...this lie got us out of doing so much work in-class). All the gramma and spelling is the same to the original, (I havn't changed one bit). Kevin was some Asian kid with an umbrella that me and Harry didn't like, (he's a bit like "Jasuuuuunnnnnnn" from Carroll). Mr Craven was a giant faggot and I hope someone rapes his face. David Ledger was a nice enough guy, but I just didn't like the fuck one bit. Oh and I can not remember for the life of me who the "Natalie" chick was; probably just pissed me off one day.

I don't know what went wrong in my early years, but it explains why I am how I am.......................a mad cunt.

No joke, I was just thinking to myself that it was a really shit ending and there was no way I would end a story like that....but I found YET ANOTHER PAGE behind part 2! It gets really good.....

HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY REBECCA HAMMOND YOU SEXY BEAST!

A big one tonight I think.

I wasn't able to become a harty' pirate so this is how i think the night will go:

As all the various pirates arrive; some dressed more homosexually than others. Everyone will have a quite talk and giggle about their outfits, because they probably have nothing better to talk about than their current depressed lives.

They will all move their stuff around, looking for the best place to keep their belongings safe; like a mother trying to protect their nests, the party goers will circle their belongings, eyeing off any threat that might try and steal their clothes. Once they have sucessfully secured their equipment they will move down to the liquid filled area where they will engage in conversation until one individual who deems himself the greatest looking because he does a trillion chin ups a day will take his clothes off in order to attract another mate. Others will follow his suit and continue the mating procedure as they frolick in the water, trying to look attractive.

Oh and then everyone will get fucked up and have lots of fun and im not there cause i hate life and i think that i might just go jump of a bridge i want to be there why arnt i ther this is unfair wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfuckingwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Sorry, i got over trying to bullshit, so i'm going to type out this story me and my friend Harry Brown made when we were in year 7. I am not going to change a word, but at the time this was the funniest thing i have ever read/written.

....im fucking bored so im going to do it in a new post.

brb publishing.

This is OUR LAND....TAIPAN!

He walks up to her,

Says what he thinks,

Never got to hear what she thought.

...and that was my dream.

Shits fucked cunts.

The"official" last school day today. Shits so bad. Man, I don't even want it to finish. I'm going to miss just... fucking up; working out how to budge through a lesson; double periods; lunch and recess; mufti; excursions; scabbing money for the canteen; Viva la Stickaaaa; Red-arse; Handball tournaments; finding unblocked websites/games...then being blocked the next day; fights and conflict; unrequited year 12 love and relationships; scandal; bitches and fuckwits; frees; little in jokes that are just so silly that you laugh about for ages...weeks even, and just spending times with mates that i will never forget.

But thats all over now. All those little, small things that just bring happiness into life will be gone, and they won't be coming back. No matter what people say about, "no we will catch up and it will be like normal". Here's a fucking news flash you fucks, it won't!

New lives, new people, new friends, new in-jokes.

No time for the past;

And those left behind.

And not a fuck was given that day

Thought i would come here because no one reads this.

I am now the new Facebook queen.

This must mean that Facebook is a monarchy, and that it is structured in layers of status, ['cuse the pun]; which must mean that there are levels of peasants and lower socially acceptable people who make up the rungs below me.

That's cool. So technically i own Facebook.

Win was created this day.

Here's just some background on my new appointment.

"Although the monarch's powers are vast in theory, they are limited in practice. As a constitutional monarch, the Sovereign acts within the constraints of convention and precedent, almost always exercising the Royal Prerogative on the advice of the Prime Minister and other ministers. The Prime Minister and ministers are, in turn, accountable to the democratically elected House of Commons, and through it, to the people.

The Queen can, in fact, appoint whomever she wants as Prime Minister. In accordance with unwritten constitutional conventions, the Sovereign must appoint the individual most likely to maintain the support of the House of Commons: usually, the leader of the party which has a majority in that House.

The Sovereign appoints and dismisses Cabinet and other ministers on the Prime Minister's advice. Thus, in practice, the Prime Minister, and not the Sovereign, exercises control over the composition of the Cabinet. The monarch may, in theory, unilaterally dismiss a Prime Minister, but convention and precedent bar such an action. The last monarch to unilaterally remove a Prime Minister was William IV, who dismissed Lord Melbourne in 1834.

The Queen also has absolute powers of pardon. This alone is a substantial power, as is the ability to make new nobles and knights. Although they serve no official function these days, many would do just about anything to get a title. Thus, the power to grand honours is a fantastic power. Finally, she is the head of state of the UK, Scottland, Norther Ireland, etc. Trust me, if your face is on coinage, you have influence over a great deal."

Feel free to send any money or gifts to the corner of dostat v prdeli and Du hycklare.

Whale vs. Tiger; Take 1.

Ideas: Mr Ess

The sea was crashing around the boat like a thousand crazy bitches trying to rape Justin Bieber, the waves were like, huge bro! As the boat rocked and raved under the furious force of the waves, the Sumatran tiger's cage slipped from its inadequate location, and was launched into the sea disappearing for ever...

But this is not then end of our story,

The Tiger found its flippers and used them to get down. As the king of the animal kingdom frolicked in the ocean, the queen of the sea, the Blue Whale saw him in her turf, and decided to get up in his grills.

The trash talk began; the expletives were flying as fast as the storm around them. They swam in a circle formation, not losing eye contact of each other, wondering who was going to make the first move, who was going to start this encounter to end all encounters;

But as the Tiger charged up his lazer beams, the Nazi squadron who had been inspecting the confrontation intervened;

As the Tiger and the Whale were locked in constant state of Naughto rage, they were throw by this new threat...!

As the Tiger attempted to break left, and the Whale right, a special extra holocaustal Nazi net sprung upon them, trapping them like a large mammal and terrestrial cat in a barrel shaped like a net. They were stuck together, but for better or worse, they were going to fight it out...

As the Whale and the Tiger were hoisted into the air by the net, they continued their passionate hatred, not letting each other have a moment of peace. As the Nazi's flew over the Bermuda Triangle they reached a hight were oxygen became scarce, and death became plentiful.

Then all of a sudden, the net was released and the Whale and Tiger were locked in a constant free-fall travelling at equal speeds.

They realised that it was now or ever, only one of them would make it to the ground alive.

And so the battle began...

03-09-10.

As I was procrastinating writing this fucking rank essay, I began to wander and search for some filthy beats, and I stumbled across this one comment on a dubstep complication, and no fucking joke it said this:

"This beat is filthy-er than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring".

I kid you fucking not. That, pretty much is, the most fucked, and filthy thing I have ever read.

The beat was pretty fucking filthy, but seriously, who ever wrote that must have been like sexually assaulted as a child, probably twice...and he liked it.

Anyway, your all filthy cunts.

Filthy count: 6. Almost as filthy (7) as KMGM...BGC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>3.