Shit Cunt

While ARS'ing all over the interwebzzz, i discovered a new up and coming DJ.

I think everyone should check him out, good stuff.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/DJ-SC/122084827842837?ref=ts

"Im old enough to have pubes"

AND THE WINNER IS:

Fridgy Mcfriggin' Fridge!

With an outstanding 46% of the vote, and 13 votes of 28!

With the poll coming to an end, a new one must be resurrected...

"Its Almost A Full Moon Tonight"

What a fucking good night...a night that can never be relieved, no matter how hard we try.

The night started with the arrival of myself and Jaz as we were greeted by the mischievous face of Danny our main godfather....oh and Eddy was there too. After wasting time and being fools in the room of 1000 slays we moved outside to inspect and set up the "forest party".

With some selected beats from the playlist of Naughto, (who had arrived hastily) we sat back and enjoyed our surroundings, now with our new smiling friends of Mr Kelly and Charizard, who had volunteered their time to be with us to celebrate the holy of all holy bro-fests. As we attempted to set up a potentially great fucking bush fire, we talked of Xbox hopes and dreams but only to be snuffed out by the Godfather himself as the personal safety of his electronic companions was too high...oh, and me and Edvard debated about the fucking fantastic idea of a fucking remote control car in a FPS. Yeah...real cool.

The mighty Sammy "GP" Buchanal arrived just for some quick nips as we discussed world war 3 tactics and world plans as I planned to move to Chatswong so I could work in the Chinese Embassy that IS to be set up....The MP's put in their few words here and there, but they had no fucking idea what was happening as they were fucked out of their head on E and ice; all they could do is smile...but not for long...

As we chatted happily about stuff that could not be comprehended unless under the influence, out of nowhere there was a black and white flash, and then...A WILD NAUGHTO APPEARED!...he was later caught with a master ball and he used his ability of DJ and continued the Tunes pumping. Wild Naughto was able to use his item of Lasers which blew everyone’s mind as the forest glowed with rave patterns....some tripped more than others...ED....

As we argued whether to set out, Sammy decided to chuck a Benny and throw the whole of the fucking Amazon on the fire...which in the process of extracting a chair and stick of some description almost was sacrificed for the greater good...

Finally, after a lot of procrastination and toxic fumes we set out, now as the fellowship of Mogandura, as we had each other’s bow...and axe....and vodka. The godfather of Mogandura...ok by now if you haven’t worked out our fucked adventure now had a Lord of the Rings, Pokémon, and the Godfather Theme as well as every other fucking generic show of our time...none the less...we were assigned characters... (As Jarrod was the one most likely to die/sacrificed for the greater good he was named Boromear). As the godfather had the shittest sense of direction that led us in an octagon, we arrived in a backyard which was sprinted through, then fences were scaled where some of us obtained moral injuries...

We now reached the main road, and at this point our "ed"venture should have been called "Let's all fucking complain for 2 hours". Jarrod harnessed the power of the sword/stick of "spiritual equilibrium"...which Sammy later, not so gracefully...stole.

Our motto as the Pac was STAY OFF THE FUCKING ROAD...which was abided by/not because it annoyed danie- the Godfather. As we carried on along the road we decided on the goal of Cow tipping.

Now for a fact...COWS NEVER FUCKING SLEEP...FOR AN IDEA, I DON'T THINK THEY EVEN HAVE FUCKING EYELIDS, well done Baby Jesus...well done.

Our mission kind of failed, but we were met with another problem...CARS! So hectic. As we wandered around the highway road thing aimlessly, we had our first encounter of the car kind! We all placed our ghillie suits on and blended into our environment. Shit was so chilled, oh except for Naughto, who we discovered was a hard lad and walked on, those lights wouldn't scare that DJ!!

We continue our quest as Jarrod, and rightly named Boromeer, almost dies several times, until he found the one ball to rule them all, one ball to find them...the ORB OF POWA!!!!!!!!!!!!

We kicked the orb of powa until we reached the "short cut"...as described and we climbed under the barbed wire of doom/electric fence as established later. The Black riders were spotted as they made fucking crazy scary sounds. After we had gained the courage to run across this paddock, we met up with hard lad and bee who had found a driveway to enter...as we were to "stay frosty boys!” We wandered up the driveway as it was quite...too quite. Probably because Naughto had gone for a piss, one of 1000's, and that we had lost our torch...THEY FUCKING MAKE NOISE. Anyway we started having scary thoughts of 7 Kill Streak dog packs and killer horses, as well as the stray fucking hectic bullz (.GIF).

As the warriors wonder where the Godfather was taking them, as they continued to check the election results often, (becoming more confusing by the minute)... we realise that like the election, the FUCKING PADDOCK OF DEATH NEVER ENDSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (NOTE to self: more S's needed).

The scent of fresh cattle wafted through the air as we jumped over the creek that only Bear Grylls could have assailed...oh and the ORB is still being kicked to its true destiny.

As we climb under endless barbed wire fences, wondering what the next paddock held. We began to walk close to some cattle; our fear growing with every step due to our drunken hallucinations. Jarrod proved his bravery and ran at the 1000's of Bulls, slaying every single one of them, ending Ess's dreams of becoming the world’s greatest Matador...

But we reached a fence that was not quite right, a fence that could not be climbed...and could not be crawled under...only fucking crazily leaped over by the tall and lanky. The quote being "hold my drink", as Naughto lined and timed his run perfectly leaping over action movie style, to return modestly from the other side to reclaim his victory 2 litre juice bottle.

FINALLY WE REACHED WHAT WE WERE SEARCHING FOR; AFTER HOURS OF WALKING, WE HAD REACHED THE RIVER OF 1000 TRUTHS!!!!!!! The Godfather was right. There truly was a river! As we almost were eaten by quicksand, we started to trek along the "path" as Ed and, to be fair, everyone else began to complain, thus we decided to take a rest.

As we lay on the most mellow spot on the earth at that time, the bro's laid their looking up at the stairs, wondering if we were to be ambushed...or why Peter Jackson had failed us and hadn't killed Jarrod like he was meant to.

After our rest we regained our feet, replenished, and followed the track, calling out bumps and roots in the way... (Didn’t work as everyone tripped because by this stage messages weren't reaching the brain all that fast)...

As we reached the gate of winRAR, with our new found bravery, we began to scare cows, knowing that they were harmless...which they are...such fuckwits.

The godfather took the reign of the pack as we followed him to a destiny that we surely knew was coming...THE ROAD!...oh and as I think about it the orb of truth never was cast into the river of water...must have left it in some paddock. lul.

As the bro-fest continued, our journey subsided, with Jarrod stealing 21 solar lights, and kicking cars to make alarms go off, (Ed yelling from the background "that’s someone's property").

Then we were there, a final sprint, through the bush, past the gully of death and into the camp. The Bro-fest united, and safe again, with only a few scratches and tired eyes. The song of the night was played with the lyrics "all the crazy shit I did tonight, those will be the best memories".

We all follow suit and walked to bed as one after 2.5 hours of walking and almost dying.

My night ended with hearing josh and Sammy spoon...who would have seen that coming.

TEH END BRAH!

The ELECTION:

Below are some of the finest artworks i have seen created on MS paint. They combine qualities that artists like Da Vinci and Matt Damon could never comprehend.

I will set up a new poll and you will be deciding the new prime minster...of fridges. Each of the fridges should be equally judged on their use of skillzzz and creativityz. Once you have made your decision head on over to the poll where YOUR opinion can really matter...well not really, considering their fucking drawings of fridges that at best represent the ability of a 6 year old who was repetitively dropped on its head as a baby.

The prize is yet to be chosen.

NOW, YOU DECIDE, WHO WILL WIN, WHO WILL BE HUMILIATED, AND WHO WILL BE SHUNNED IN SOCIETY FOR THEIR POOR EFFORT!

[P.s. Each of the interior designers identities will be left a secret so your opinions upon each of their shit personalities will not influence your vote]

MAY THE BEST FRIDGE WIN!

1. LG: Life's Gay

2. Hell-Yeah Fridge

3. Monster Fridge

4. Fridgy Mcfriggin' Fridge

The laughing adventures;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

My day started with naughto shiting his pants as aiden came from behind, but everyone should probably be used to this...

The laughs continued to Naught'0's house where aiden continued to fail as he attemped to scan photographs while naughto continued raging....its actually a fact that naughto was born raging and will die raging.

We then continued to the house of happiness as i like to call it ;), where we started to count the amps/speakers/rolLANDS......we stopped after an hour or two because there was too many to count. WE then spent 2 hours dicussing how they needed more speakers...so that they could have more electricity to get more speakers...

After travelling back and forth to dales, and aidens (mums bedroom), we finally stopped for the night at dales to set up the quater of a million speakers. This continued for another 4 hours until the party, where basically we all got really drunk, and aiden failed at doing shots.

After 6 hours of being a tosser, me and aids walked back to his house, pumping the tunes on his lappy. It would have been better with a speaker on a trolly, but we would have got gang raped, Which isn't ok.

When we arrived at his house, where we overhurd a conversation that was comprised of "diddle" and "love". No doubt Joshy attempting to talk dirty. Aiden then fetched a bottle of coke to sober up on, but failed once again as he was being tripped out by the bubbles and successfully put coke everywhere. The mega-obsorbant towel was located and saved the day.

Josh and Aiden then slept in the same bed while i was disgusted about what had happened to the matress i was unfortunatly lying on. As i was texting people to piss both of them off, naughto hit my "piece of shit brick" out of my hands as the glow of it flashed across the room smashing into aidens wall, making a final beep...the only fucking thing it is capable of.

THE END.

P.s. Sorry aiden...i had to pay you out due to "Aiden Feeney because that would be just be paying out aiden

17 minutes ago · · "

Goon sKulls.

Well im certainly feeling fantastic.

Pretty rad night, but this one girl kept trying to steal my goon, it was really hectic, she just couldn't get enough. I think she might be addicted.

For once, I was actually drinking in style, i mean...double blacks brah! shit was chilled...one of my mates suggested that i place my nice drinks into a box/sack of some description because it just didn't suit me... suicide is the only option.

Well I can't be fucked to write anything else because i have nothing else to write about...woo!

Oh yeah, we had approximately 1 trillion speakers, but we haven't finished counting yet. I wish we had more.

Bench-warmers always win Best and Fairest

Dear Mr Exam writer,

You are a fucking faggot bbq hero cunt.

Yours sincerely,

Over-tired Student.

Seriously, the fuck am I to write a 4 page fucking report/essay/short story/novel/magazine article/webpage/speech, on a fucking antique road show faggot company that wishes to take pictures. Oh and then this other fuckstick comes along and is all like, "herp my computer has given itself terminal aids and I don't know what to do", so i have to write another 4 pages on some shit to do with his poorly made hard drive that some asian probably made for a grain of fucking rice.

Like seriously, its just not cricket.

PS. I got new OS in Windows 7 Ultimate thanks to the generous nature of the internet and Jaz Mc Jaz. Thus, I also got a new version of MS Paint! Note the artwork above was a test of my new abilities.

Lessthat4

I FUCKING LOVE SKINS.

Oui Oui, Baguette!

To my Aunty and Uncle,

FUCKING 20 PAGES? Are you fucked, jesus christ what do they expect from us these days.

OK, this is how is goes;

Im sitting in this exam room with a novel in front of me, requiring me to write about every fucking thing that has every happened, and is going to happen, and could of happened if Stalin wasn't such a possessive fucking whore. So hour and a half in and my hand makes like a banana and kills itself. So im sitting there, with one hand, half way though the 600 page biblical metaphor that is the modern history exam paper, about to drown in poorly photoed copied paper, and i though to myself, how the fuck do clocks work?

Next weekend is set to go off is proverbial chain:

We will be graced by two of the greatest DJ's the S.C. has ever seen; DJ 'O'o and....Vee.

'O'o combines the grace of a thousand flaming eagles as he works the crowd into a state of virtual sex, while Vee's essence of coolness and alternative tunes blow the minds of the intoxicated crowd.

It is set to be a night to remember.

Now i shall devote myself to trying to memorise the entire mathematics course over 2 days... which will result in me STILL being fucking shit at math; a battle that has raged from the days of year 8...not "SEVEN!!!".

We hang.

"In order to smash the destructive plots of the imperialists against the dprk and ensure the victory of socialism"...more like in order to smash the destructive dildo's of the imperialist against the dprk arseholes to ensure the victory of homesexuality!

YEAH STUDY!

fuck exams...see you in a week.

brb dying.